i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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