Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How does it feel to date your dad?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
