Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
