i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
