I need to stop coming to work sober
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
