i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
