its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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