Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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