I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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