So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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