Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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