Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
smell my finger.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
