How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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