her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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