Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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