So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
