Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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