ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
