Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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