There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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