he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
