your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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