Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
