If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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