just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
