the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
