I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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