just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so much tequila, so little girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
