you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
