i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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