I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
