They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
