R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My sheets look like a crime scene.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
bring money and cleavage
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
