Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
