Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
