I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
