I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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