just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
