Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
honey bunches of taint.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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