Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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