Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
