She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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