Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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