She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
