so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
