Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
