Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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