And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
