I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
