With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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