I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
