Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
