I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
