Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
