Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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