Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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