I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
