I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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