they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
