Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did i walk over a car last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
