He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
