nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
