I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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