Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
