I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
