You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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