What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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