please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
