He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
