oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
