I just saw a hot homeless man
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
false alarm, still single
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
