the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Floor bacon is actually really good
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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