Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
